A Portrait of a Rapist

"Hey Johns, the paper wants to know if  you want to give your side of the story," the correction's  officer yelled over to where we were sitting in the segregation pod of the jail.

"Tell them, 'No thanks.'" Mark replied, rolling his eyes at me with an exasperated sigh. 

Knowing how notorious papers are about misquoting people, I agreed with his sentiments, but wished that there was some way that Mark Johns could give his side of the story.  I wished there was a way that this likeable young man with a beautiful wife and three adorable little children could have his say about his violent acts of assault and rape committed on innocent women in Medina and Cuyahoga Counties.  Having counseled with Mark for the past ten months as a chaplain at the Medina County Jail, I felt that Mark's tragedy ought to be made public to open the eyes of parents whose children were headed down the same deadend road.  Mark agreed.  Here then is Mark Johns' story.

Born in l970 and raised in Medina County,. Mark's parents divorced while he was still very young.  His father had little or no input in his life from then on and it was up to Mark's stepfather to try to fill the void that was left and to soften the unavoidable feelings of rejection and confusion. "My mom raised us kids with good moral values," Mark assured me.  "She has always been there for us and wanted only the best for us."  Unfortunately there were things to come in Mark's life that even a Mother's love couldn't overcome.

Somewhere in the early years of elementary school in the Cloverleaf district, Mark was the victim of sexual abuse from a family relative.  The events were so traumatic that much of it is a blur, thankfully blotted out by a young mind focused on survival. (Perhaps this should come as no surprise when 1 out of every 6 children in America today is victimized in this way.)  His fourth grade teacher, Marcy Sabatos, remembers Mark as "a little boy filled with rage."  While Mrs. Sabatos came to an understanding with Mark and enjoyed him as a student, there were others who did not.

Also in his early years, he got his first glimpses of  pornography.  He was fascinated by what he saw.  "At first it was just pictures in magazines that I found laying around, but then when I got older I found ways to get more.  It wasn't as easy to come by then as it is now.  My mom would never have accepted what I was doing, but she didn't know."  His exposure to pornography coupled with his own painful experiences gave Mark a very warped view of sexuality, while the normalcy of his homelife painted a picture that was just the opposite.     

At only 20, Mark married and started living in quiet, suburban Medina.  He got a job as a roofer and with some help from various family members, he and his wife got off to a decent start.  But the past was quick to catch up to Mark.  Pornography had become an addiction by then; often it was a more important focal point in Mark's life than his wife and children.  "Even though I loved them, I would almost forget about them."  The marriage was rocky at best and even though he would try for awhile to concentrate on his wife and their relationship, he would eventually slide back into the clutches of  his books, magazines, book stores, strip clubs, and 1-900 numbers. "I didn't know what was wrong with me.  I wish now that I had gone to someone to get help."

Mark's affair with pornography didn't end with that however; it started showing up in his actions as well.  Starting in about 6 years ago,  he was picked up repeatedly by police and incarcerated for acts of voyeurism and indecent exposure.  Since he hadn't actually hurt anyone, his sentences were usually light  (often probation), and he became fairly-well known to the justice system in Medina's town square. "If only someone had looked at the behavior pattern I was exhibiting and ordered help, maybe it wouldn't have come to this," Mark whispered.  "I couldn't seem to help myself and no one out there seemed to have any answers for me either, not that I'm blaming anyone.  My wife and family stuck by me even though I couldn't seem to open up to them,  but they didn't understand the forces driving me.  I guess I don't either."

Living a sort of  "double existence" fooled everyone around him.  Three children were born to the Johns family in four years and life was full of normal things: diapers, toys, Christmas,  doctor visits, walks, time together, tears, and laughter.  A few trips to the county jail were upsetting, but not devastating.  Mark just shrugged it off and kept on with his roofing job.  It was hard work, but satisfying.  "My kids were everything to me,"  Mark told me sadly.  "I was a good father.  I never raised my hand to them.  I played with them as much as time allowed.....they were my life and still are...and always will be."

Even while providing for his growing family, Mark was under increasing pressure.  The rage he kept hidden inside since his youth was slowly building in intensity. "The violence and the adrenaline rush of the books and the strip clubs just fed into my illness. It became an obsession.  I started having severe headaches that never seemed to go away.  Rainy weather seemed to make them worse and in the middle of the night, I would often get up and leave the house to find an outlet for the pain and pressure.  My wife would wake up and find me gone.  I'd have to make up some excuse as to where I went and what I was doing."

While talking with me, Mark couldn't bring himself to use the word "rape" and said that his memories of what he has done are hazy, foggy, and so painful that he tries not to think about them.  When I asked if it was lust that drove him, he looked shocked.  "No," he insisted, "it was nothing like that.  It was rage turned away from my family.  I never hit my wife and kids in my life.  It was rage that I'd been holding inside." 

In the year since Mark Johns' arrest, he has been in my office many times.  He has questioned the point in living, cried lonely tears of anguish, and wondered if God can turn his life around.  He has lived in a small area the size of the average family room and in the sterility of concrete gray and glass, he has had lots of time to think about what he has done.  "There's not a day that goes by, that I don't pray that the victims will someday heal enough that they can forgive me." 

When I approached Mark with the idea of writing his story, he readily agreed.  "If  there is even one person who can be helped by reading my story and seeing what sexual abuse and pornography did to me, then I'll do it."  Mark realized how deadly his addiction to pornography was after watching a video taped interview with Ted Bundy, the serial killer.  "It happened to me just like it happened to him, but I'm so glad I never killed anybody." 

Mark has been studying the Bible and attending all the available church services and studies held at Medina County Jail since December of  1996.  In February of  l997 he confessed Jesus as his Lord and Savior.   His deep regret is that he had never before read the Bible and believed in the Lord Jesus Christ.  "If I had known about God early on, I wouldn't have ended up like this.  I could have healed and moved ahead in my life.  I guess there is no one to blame, the Bible just wasn't around at home or at school."  Time and sorrow has given him a compassion for his victims. "I pray to God they are healed.  Just hearing the charges against me in court the other day broke me up.  It was like listening to someone reading about some horrible, horrible person--not about me.  I've hurt so many people and I've ruined my own life.  I've lost everything that matters in this world."

Mark Johns was convicted on 8 counts of rape and other rape-related charges.  In Medina and Cuyahoga Counties the courts sentenced Mark to 154 years.  In August his wife of ten years divorced him.  In November he went to the first of many prisons he will be held in for the rest of his life.  Within the first two days at Lorain Correctional Institution he was attacked by a gang of l5-20 inmates and beaten.  His life is being threatened daily.  Mark's life brings a new and poignant meaning to the Bible verse, "for the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Mark has nothing temporal to strive for any longer, but he knows Who holds the future and it is only for His glory that he lives.